The tradition of taking a partner’s surname after marriage has long been a cultural norm in many societies, particularly in the Western world. However, in an era of increasing gender equality, evolving relationship dynamics, and growing inclusivity for LGBTQ+ and alternative couples, the practice is being questioned more than ever. Is changing one’s last name an outdated relic of patriarchal control, or is it simply a personal choice that holds sentimental value?
The Historical Context
Historically, women taking their husband’s surname was a sign of legal and social transfer. In many cultures, marriage meant a woman became part of her husband’s household, and changing her name signified that transition. In some legal systems, women effectively lost their separate identity upon marriage, with laws dictating that their husbands had full authority over them, including financial and legal matters. While those laws are now long gone in most parts of the world, the tradition persists.
The Modern Debate
In contemporary times, many argue that taking a spouse’s name reinforces archaic gender roles. After all, men are rarely expected to adopt their wife’s name, which suggests an inherent imbalance. Critics argue that continuing this tradition, even voluntarily, perpetuates the idea that one partner’s identity is secondary to the other’s.
For same-sex couples and those in more alternative relationships, the surname debate takes on different dimensions. Without the traditional expectation of a woman taking a man’s name, LGBTQ+ couples have more flexibility in choosing a shared surname, if they choose to change names at all. Some opt for hyphenation, blending names, or even creating an entirely new surname that represents their unique partnership. Others see the tradition as irrelevant and keep their respective birth names, emphasising that love and commitment don’t require a name change.
On the other hand, some couples—regardless of gender or relationship structure—see taking a shared name as a unifying act, a symbol of commitment and family cohesion. Many people also cite practical reasons—having a single family name can simplify bureaucratic matters and social interactions. Additionally, some argue that personal autonomy should be the priority; if a person chooses to change their name for sentimental or cultural reasons, that decision should be respected.
Alternative Approaches
With modern relationships evolving, many couples are exploring alternatives. Hyphenation allows both partners to retain their original identity while adopting a shared name. Others merge their surnames into a completely new one. Some men even take their partner’s name—though this remains a relatively rare occurrence due to lingering societal resistance. Still, others opt to keep their original names entirely, proving that love and commitment don’t require a name change.
Final Thoughts
Is taking your partner’s name inherently outdated? The answer isn’t black and white. The key question is whether the choice is truly free from expectation and societal pressure. If someone feels compelled to change their name because “it’s just what people do,” that could signal lingering traditional influences. However, if a couple thoughtfully chooses a name change for personal reasons, it can be a meaningful and autonomous decision.
Ultimately, marriage is about partnership, and the decision on surnames should reflect mutual respect and personal values rather than outdated norms. Whether a couple follows tradition, adapts it, or abandons it entirely, the most important thing is that the choice is intentional and empowering for both partners—regardless of gender or relationship style.
Written in conjunction with ChatGPT
Photos courtesy of pexels.
