In this blog I’ll explore some key hints and tips from my celebrant chums to guide you in how to write your own vows for a ceremony that really zings!!
Remember why you are doing this:
Did you watch that episode of ‘Gavin and Stacey’ were Dawn and Pete renew their wedding vows?? O.M.G!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcvyV5iM0IA
People usually write their own vows because they don’t want to say the same thing that millions of people have said to each other over time but sometimes, when you are starting from scratch, this can be tougher than you think.
Your wedding vows are often the truest most heartfelt spoken words in your ceremony; they are the words that describe everything that you believe to be important in marriage and represent the reasons for your togetherness and your chosen commitment to each other.
It’s a challenge sometimes to think about what brought you together, let alone what makes you want to marry the person stood in front of you, then add in the emotion, romance, covenant, and contract elements of your pledges or promises it can all be a bit over whelming. THEN you have to say them in front of your guests!! Why are we doing this again??
Don’t sweat it! Focus on actions and qualities;
What inspires you about your partner?
What does marriage mean to you?
What promises will you make to keep the relationship strong and last into the future?
What are you looking forward to?
Check out my six top tips at the end of this blog
What’s the aim?
Firstly, be yourself and be realistic. Your vows are about recognising what you love in someone and making promises that will take you through married life, so don’t use words you wouldn’t normally use or promise things you can’t commit to. One of my brides promised to match up her husband’s socks from the laundry but she couldn’t commit to putting the pans away the right way round, it was just too much responsibility!!
Look for inspiration in things you love and share; Music, films, books, T.V Shows, jokes and habits. Make Google your friend because there are literally hundreds of quotes for Tolkein readings, Game of Thrones wedding vows and romantic songs you can include – I did have a groom that started by quoting Rick Astley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’.
Consider what you couldn’t live without in the other person. If their roast dinners are the best and you love how they laugh like a drain include that. If you wish they would cut their toe nails more often and not blow their nose like a trumpet, that’s probably something better had in a private conversation than in front of all their family and friends – unless everyone knows it, one of my brides said “Thank you for accepting me for all that I am, for coping with the way I blow my nose and for the fact I need to go to the loo at least twice before we leave the house! I am the best version of myself because of you”.
If staring at a blank piece of paper is too daunting, go for a walk (take the dog!) and record yourself on your phone talking about your partner and saying promises, when you play it back you will be able to capture the bits you like and use this as a structure for your vows. Don’t worry, you won’t look daft, everyone will think you are on the phone and pay no heed to what your voice sounds like – I swear I sound like Pam Ayres!!
Common Themes:
Warning: No-one promises to ‘Obey’ anymore and if you were my couple and wanted to say this, I think I would have to leave…..
You could promise to; be by each other’s side no matter what, be faithful, honour, cherish, support, protect, value them, be their best friend, be loyal, trust, be honest, appreciate them, and mostly love them.
To be funny or not?
If humour is at the core of your relationship, then keep them at the core of your vows but remember to make some sensible promises to. Here are some of my favourite funny vows;
“When you have something to share, share it with me. Particularly if it’s Malteasers.”
“You are the reason I smile, and the reason I no longer kill spiders on sight.”
“I promise not to keep score – even when I am totally winning.”
“I promise to love you, even on days when I don’t like you.”
“I hope we grow old together like wrinkly prunes”
“I’ll love you even when your game-mode is set to difficult”
“I will support you in every endeavour; emotionally, spiritually, financially. I would include physically, but you’re just too damn heavy!”
“From this day forward, I vow to share my bag of crisps… what is mine is yours”
“I promise not to hog the remote control’
“I promise not to get jealous when you are drooling over the fella from Vikings”
“I’ll keep Dominos pizza on speed-dial, I won’t say football is “only a game”, I’ll make sure I do “date nights”, and I won’t mind too much when you get “hangry”
I had a groom who wrote that he would happily grow old with his wife but would never be afraid to put her false teeth down the toilet if she annoyed him!
Formal or not?
This depends entirely on your character types, whether you are bringing religious elements into your ceremony or whether you want to have a traditional structure to part of your vows. I found the table below useful, simply select one line from each section, I’ve made bold the ones I would choose as an example.
- The Context
In the presence of God
With my family and friends as my witnesses
In the sight of the sea and the sky
Blessed in the presence of angels
In this special place
- The Declaration
I ………choose you………… to be my husband / wife
i……….. commit myself to you……….in love and marriage
Today, I ………..marry you……….my best friend
- Promises about behaviour and relationships
In our marriage, I will love, honour and cherish you
I promise to live with you, to respect you and honour you
I will be faithful to you, I will stand by your side and sleep in your arms, I will listen to you with compassion and understanding and speak to you with encouragement.
I promise to respect you, inspire you and love you
- Changing Circumstances
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
When love is easy and when love is hard
During good times and bad times, through calms and storms
- Timescale
Till death do us part / forever / for the rest of my life
For the whole of our lives together / until love dies
Throughout the adventure of our lives / until the end of time
- Closing Intention
This is my solemn promise and on this promise I base our marriage
This is my intention, completely and forever.
Or you could go with this much more individual series of promises from Sarah Kay or perhaps Dr Seuss??
I will wake you up early
I will leave at the end of a movie
even though I know you like to stay through the credits.
I will leave pennies in your pockets,
postage stamps of superheroes
in between the pages of your books,
sugar packets on your kitchen counter.
I will Hansel and Gretel you home.
I talk through movies.
Even ones I have never seen before.
I will love you with too many commas,
but never any asterisks.
There will be more sweat than you are used to.
More skin.
More words than are necessary.
My hair in the shower drain,
my smell on your sweaters,
bobby pins all over the windowsills.
I make the best sandwiches you’ve ever tasted.
You’ll be in charge of napkins.
I can’t do a pull-up.
But I’m great at excuses.
I count broken umbrellas after every thunderstorm,
and I fall asleep repeating the words thank you.
I will wake you up early
with my heavy heartbeat.
You will say, can’t we just sleep in, and I will say,
No, trust me. You don’t want to miss a thing.
You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Dr. Seuss
“I pledge today to have all the patience and passion that love demands. In the laughter and in the silence, I’ll be forever by your side.”
Photo courtesy of Winston Sanders Photography
Six Top Tips:
In brief, here’s a recap;
- Seek Inspiration – Music, Films, TV Shows, Books, Jokes and habits.
- Consider the mix – length, Tone (humour?) Serious promises.
- Storytelling Tips (pick one or two) – Why are you getting married? Have you been through hard times and your partner supported you? What accomplishments have you had or hope to have in the future? What was your first impression of them? When did you realise you were in love? How has your life gotten better? What inspires you about them? What qualities do they have that you admire? What do you miss when you are apart?
- Timing – no longer than one or two minutes.
- Read it Aloud – Make sure you breathe, structure your sentences for the right pace, imagine yourself reading it in front of your guests (would it make nanna blush?), have tissues at the ready.
- Follow the Map – Affirm your love for them, Share some memories or something from the storytelling section and offer your promises with a timeline i.e forever.
- Run it past your celebrant – we’ve heard loads before and would love to check it for any clangers, grammatical errors and just to help you feel more confident.
Good Luck.
